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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23896111">sincerely, yours</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mourningafter/pseuds/mourningafter'>mourningafter</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>lover is a day [9]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stray Kids (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Break Up, ChanLix, Falling Out of Love, Heartbreak, Kim Seungmin &amp; Lee Felix are Best Friends, Lee Felix (Stray Kids)-centric, Lowercase, M/M, and not his own boyfriend, and seungmin loves his boyfriend, felix loves seungmin, how crazy bro, not felix, stray kids - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:46:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,849</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23896111</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mourningafter/pseuds/mourningafter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>falling out of love is difficult, and hard to keep secret. it’s even worse when you have no one to go to anymore, felix realizes.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Kim Seungmin/Lee Felix, Kim Seungmin/Seo Changbin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>lover is a day [9]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1314281</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>sincerely, yours</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i’m always writing some sad fics, this is no surprise  i hope this breakup fic is exactly what the doctor ordered!</p>
<p>please enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>the letter in front of felix brought butterflies to his stomach. his cheeks burned as his eyes skimmed the words, barely absorbing a single thing said. only a few things stuck out, words that any person would scream at, cry at, be so happy about; yet felix read them with sorrow and regret, realizing that the butterflies in his stomach weren’t from joy, but instead of fear. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>he’s always cared about bang chan. the older australian boy set up a home inside of felix’s heart, one so delicately decorated that felix was scared to touch a single piece of furniture. couches most likely lined a wall, picture frames of the two hung from the walls. plants sat in fragile glass vases, a bed fit for two people in the center of a wall. a window on a wall with the world spread out in front of them to realize how safe they were together. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>it’s hard, felix can all but realize, seeing such a beautiful home come crashing down. he soon knows that those glass vases will be smashed against the floor, blankets and pillows strewn across the room. the pictures once hung now in a pile among the glass and pillows. because felix would soon break chan’s heart, and chan would see the same thing felix did.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>they met years ago. felix can’t remember how long ago, only that they were in love. a bookstore, filled with the prettiest stories and poetry. felix was looking for some more books to add to the shelves of his room when he met the once brown haired boy. chan was eighteen whilst felix was sixteen, and even though they had the slight age gap, they fell in love. felix vowed they would write their own story together, one that people would pick up in their own local bookstore and fall in love with.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>felix can’t even remember how soon they got together. it was all careful at first. chan would bring him into forests full of trees, show him his favorite places to picnic. bookbags full of sandwiches and cupcakes for dessert, a secret book as a gift to share. laughter would echo through the area as chan dropped his sandwich, a frown on his face that would disappear as felix offered his own.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>while chan brought him to forests, felix brought him everywhere else. the movies to see a movie chan wouldn’t shut up about; holding hands in the dark of the theater, whispers and giggles shared as the movie progressed. to the rollerskating rink, where felix bubbled with laughter once chan fell on his butt, only to join him a second later after laughing so hard. people skating around them as they laughed so hard they got kicked off the rink, their stomachs in more pain than their butts.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>their first kiss was shared in chan’s bedroom. the lights were off as a movie played on his computer, and when felix went to ask a question (since he always got lost during movies), chan grabbed his face and pulled him into him. felix was surprised at first, not knowing how to go about such a thing— this was his first kiss. but soon enough he closed his eyes and relaxed, his body slowly melting into chan’s grasp. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>chan pulled away only a few seconds later, a small smile on his lips as he tilted his head. his fingers drummed on felix’s cheeks as felix shared a look of surprise, only closing his mouth when chan started giggling, his eyes falling shut as he said, “i think i’m falling in love with you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>that was the same night felix initiated their second kiss, the words, “i’ll keep your heart safe with me,” on his lips, mumbling them into a promise on chan’s. fingers on each other’s faces, the movie forgotten, and stolen kisses. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>felix now realizes how foolish he was to promise such a thing to the older. he should’ve known he couldn’t promise such a huge order. you should only promise small things, such as </span>
  <em>
    <span>“i’ll cook dinner tonight”</span>
  </em>
  <span> or </span>
  <em>
    <span>“i’ll take you to see that movie!”</span>
  </em>
  <span> you can’t promise someone love that you don’t know you have, if you even had it in the first place.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>yes, felix fell in love with chan. with the way they kissed into the early morning some nights, the way chan would write him letters for felix. he fell in love with the way chan held him, with the way chan talked, with the way chan felt like a home he could escape to— but that disappeared not too long ago. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>falling out of love didn’t hurt as much as felix imagined it would. he imagined being heartbroken, so hurt he would cry. instead, he was left with pure confusion on what he was doing, where he was going. he didn’t know whether to stay or leave, to try and gain that love back or to wait for it to fully slip from his grasp. he already knew that the home he built in chan’s heart was already in shambles, already so broken beyond repair. repairs chan could never fix, repairs he didn’t even know it needed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“you need to tell him,” seungmin tells him one day, focused on the notecards he’s shuffling through for an upcoming test he’s studying for. he says it regardless of whether or not felix is paying attention. like he’s thinking aloud. “it’s not fair to keep someone in the dark about such a big change.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>felix is listening. his ears are wide open. he feels himself shiver, the room suddenly so cold with seungmin’s words. he knows he needs to tell chan, but he can’t bring the words to come out of his mouth.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“i don’t think i can. he would be so heartbroken, and i really don’t think i could stand looking at him when it happens. have you seen him? when he’s sad, he looks like a kicked puppy. a fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>kicked puppy</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” he’s so exasperated, and now he’s flopping down, pulling a pillow over his face. he wants to scream and release all the tension that’s stockpiling inside of him, but he can’t with seungmin in the room.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>the other doesn’t say another word about the situation after that until he’s leaving. “i know you don’t think you can, but you have to. if he fell out of love with you first, wouldn’t you have wanted to know? you’re not only hurting him but yourself when you stay with him.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>seungmin was in a different light here, and suddenly felix just craved affection. he wanted this whole situation to be over, he didn’t want to be stuck anymore. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>felix’s lips ended up on seungmin’s as they were halfway inside and outside of his apartment. neither of them moved for a second before seungmin was pulling back, a frown glued onto his face. he wasn’t yelling, wasn’t mad; not happy. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“don’t kiss me without my permission,” he says. “that kinda stuff doesn’t fly. i get i’m your best friend, i get you’re sad, but that doesn’t give you the consent to kiss me. please think twice.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>guilt floods felix’s stomach, as it should. he should’ve asked, should’ve made sure, but he acted without thinking. his face pales as he nods, and seungmin nods back.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“i didn’t tell you, but i’m with changbin,” he mutters. “you’ve been so upset with chan that i didn’t want to tell you. but i’m really happy right now and i don’t want you to take that away from me by kissing me. okay?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>felix doesn’t even realize his eyes are stinging with tears until seungmin waves goodbye and leaves, not bothering to tell felix anything else. he’s stunned at seungmin’s confession, and he can’t help but feel a part of him break with it. perhaps in some alternate universe he could’ve fallen in love with seungmin instead, maybe they would’ve lasted; they clicked well. but he was stuck with the reality that he was in a broken relationship only he knew about and that his best friend couldn’t even tell him anything. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>sobbing on your floor at one am isn’t fun. instead, it’s the worst part of falling out love. he’s heartbroken. he isn’t even crying over chan. he’s crying over seungmin, and how impossible he is to reach now. he lost his chance by chasing after a boy he once loved instead of a boy he’s always loved, and that’s when felix slips up and calls chan.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>pretty soon they’re sharing heated kisses on felix’s couch, seungmin buried deep at the back of his mind. his tears are gone, he made sure to cover up the tracks before chan showed up, making up an excuse about being unable to sleep and needing someone to be with him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>chan’s hands are underneath felix’s shirt, and felix squeezes his eyes shut. he doesn’t want chan’s hands, and pretty soon seungmin is once again the main point of his mind, the one person he wishes he was kissing. he begins to pretend like it’s not chan’s hands, it’s seungmin‘s— the rough hands slowly turn softer as felix thinks harder and harder, and the lips on his once chapped are suddenly smooth, and felix can’t help but chase after them. he just wants to get over chan, he wants to be with the one person who brought him pure joy by just sitting with him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>even when he wakes up the next morning, he doesn’t tell chan his thoughts. he doesn’t tell him how he’s falling out of love, but he feels pretty sure one of the glass vases in the home inside his heart cracked a bit, and that’s when felix knew that chan had an idea of how felix felt.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>this letter, it made no sense. no matter how hard felix tried to focus, he couldn’t comprehend the words. they felt like some form of poetry that’s not meant to be broken down, a poem only few people would ever understand. the tears in his eyes fall as his hands shake, and without any more hesitation, he rips the paper. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>then he rips it again. again. again. soon it’s in shreds over his floor as he falls to his knees in sobs, hating the way his whole body convulses as he lets out the most heart wrenching sound. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“i want to marry you,” the letter read, and for a minute felix’s stomach filled with those butterflies. “but i can’t. seungmin told me everything. you’ve lost the love you once had. that’s why i’m going to move home. you won’t have to hear from me ever again.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>felix couldn’t stop crying, not knowing what to do. chan was going to be gone, he was leaving. leaving without felix being able to fall back in love, leaving without giving felix a proper warning. almost like how felix never told chan what happened. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“you know i’ll always love you. thank you for the three years. maybe one day we’ll cross paths again. i hope i can look you in the eye. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>sincerely,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>yours.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tell me your thoughts!</p>
<p>twitter: @angeIyong<br/>( the l is a capital i)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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